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Monday, June 27, 2016


House Committee Demands Obama Commit an Impeachable Offense

As time rapidly runs out on the two-term presidency of Barack Obama, the House Committee on Oversight and Government

Reform will hold hearings today to grill administration officials about the lack of exploitable scandals originating in the White House, sources say.

President Obama after being told he must send documentation of impeachment-worthy offenses to House Republicans by sundown.

"We've exhausted all of our leads and didn't turn up a thing," said a Republican committee member who asked to remain anonymous.

"Solyndra, Fast and Furious, bowing to world leaders, the IRS, the tan suit---even our ace in the hole, Benghazi, turned out to be a nothingburger and at this point we're down to investigating rounding errors in office supply expenditures."

The committee says it will order the White House to dig as deep as possible and turn over all relevant documents that will lead them to at least one impeachment-worthy scandal.

"If they fail to comply, then we'll have no choice but to investigate the lack of investigation-worthy offenses during the president's second term," said the source. "And also his first term, we're not real choosy at this point."

Democrats accused Republicans of grasping at straws and playing election-year politics.

"Perhaps our colleagues on the other side of the aisle should try legislating instead of going on another wild goose chase," said the Congressional Progressive Caucus in a statement.

Republicans say they might consider that, but one congressman who requested anonymity said "leadership is hard and boring and it makes our brains hurt."

According to House majority leader Kevin McCarthy, President Obama has until the end of the day to commit an impeachable offense "or we're going to be really mad." The White House has not yet responded to the request beyond a long string of LOLs it sent out in an early-morning tweet.

EDITOR'S NOTE: the above is a work of satire that is, unfortunately, almost entirely true.