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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

CRABS Slogans – Part 2

The letter I found at the Collection Center
Yesterday, I wrote about my discovery at the collection center, the secret files of CRABS.

Today I am reporting on more of the slogans CRABS was considering using to oppose the new beach facilities at Charlestown Beach and Blue Shutters Beach. (Of course I previously reported that Blue Shutters Beach may not even exist.)

But before I start, be sure to consider going to one of the information sessions scheduled for today and Thursday. Will talks about today’s session here and they are listed in our calendar. I wonder if the CRABS people will be there with banners (and torches and pitchforks) and passing out flyers with these slogans on them.

I’m still looking at the emails with proposed slogans in the margins. Here’s one email that includes “why build something that nobody really needs” and the slogan in the margin is Finding a tree was good enough for potato pickers, let’s not change Charlestown now! Perhaps they should have a little more sensitivity about our town heritage.

Here's an email has another incisive statement, “We don't have the money so why incur additional expenses?” I wonder when there would be a case where this person would start a sentence with “Well, we have the money so …” But in the margin near this comment is the slogan We need to do whatever is cheapest; a hole in the sand meets that goal. I suspect some of these slogans are ending up on the cutting-room floor.

There are a couple more trial slogans next to this one:
It the town thinks we have money for toilets let’s spend it on something important like “keep out” signs.
Just “go” in the water, there is plenty to dilute it and the big pieces will float away.

Here is the famous email from the person who is obviously thinking of others, saying “I live close enough to the beach to use my own facilities” and the slogan in the margin is If you don’t live close enough to walk home you shouldn’t be on the beach.

Oh, there are several slogans written on this one:
Blue Shutters Beach is for Quonochontaug residents only; don’t encourage the outside riff-raff.
If you don’t like the current facilities go home to pee like I do.
If you want to use the beach buy a home close by so you can walk home to “go”.
Porta-potties are good enough for day trippers.

Here is the email that famously reads “Pack it in, pack it out.” The slogan in the margin is Pack it in, pack it out. We can just put up a baggie dispenser. This is my personal favorite!

Here is a highlighted section from another selfless Charlestown citizen “I do not want to attract more tourists by rewarding them with fancy digs.  We all (residents) have a shower at home.” If this person thinks Charlestown is proposing fancy digs I wonder what he/she thinks about the facility being erected at Matunuck State Beach.  That one even includes a wind turbine! But I digress … we have several slogan proposals in the margin here:
If we discourage more visitors, the restaurants will have more room for us. If they're able to stay open, I guess.
We already need “no outsiders allowed” signs on East Beach Road. Let’s not encourage them more.
Beach toilets now, next you’ll want a casino!
Send everyone except Quonnie residents to Charlestown Beach.

Lastly, I saw an email with a big, red NO, NO, NO in the margin. The highlighted excerpt from that email reads  “What if those nice people who live within walking distance of Blue Shutters Beach opened up their bathrooms to visitors using the beach. It would be a neighborly thing to do. They could meet interesting new people. And it would save the town from the expense that would have to be passed on to the taxpayers. All the town would need to do is post signs directing people to those houses.”

All of this was whirling around in my head when I was bothered by a distant whining sound and felt a poke in the ribs. I opened my eyes to see Kingsley, the dog who gets up with the sun, telling me it was a gorgeous new day and time was wasting.

Time certainly was wasting; it seems that I wrote a blog post in my sleep and I needed to get it written down.

Author: Tom Ferrio with much help from Charlestown email writers