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Thursday, September 19, 2013

UPDATED: Tonight's "Talk Like a Pirate" Meeting CANCELLED

Avast Matey…this be no accident
By Will Collette

UPDATE: Tonight's special Town Council meeting - sole topic, purchase of Whalerock property - is CANCELLED. No reason given.

One of the challenges for writers of daily publications is coming up with new ways to celebrate old holidays. Something that’s not a cliché. 

Every September 19, I celebrate one of my favorite holidays, Talk Like a Pirate Day, which I am not making up though I wish that I did. And I try to share it with you. But this year, help has arrived from the most unexpected source.

Thursday, September 19 is also t’ day chosen by t’ Charlestown Town Council for a very Special meeting. I’m not making this up either.

Accordin’ ta t’ agenda tacked up on Clerkbase (also see below), t’ Council will immediately go into secret Executive Session with t’ sole item bein’ t’ town’s planned purchase o’ t’ site o’ t’ proposed Whalerock windmill project. Arrrrr!

Pirates' Council be meetin' behind this door
This be t’ deal that Cap’n Thomas “Tough as Gristle” Gentz said t’ Council had to approve immediately on August 22 because t’ deal had to be closed on August 27. Or else. 

Never mind thar be pages and pages of informational treasure hidden in a pirate’s chest and only made public t’ followin’ day. Never mind all this documentary booty showed thar be no reason for Cap’n Tom ta give t’ “abandon ship” alarm.

Never mind thar was no August 27 closin’. T’ last swabbie to remind Cap’n Tom of that walked t’ plank.

No, no, no, ye bilge rats, thar be no need to clutter yer bungholes wi’ t’ facts. This deal needs no more of a look-see than Cap’n Tom wanted to give it. Anyone who crosses t’ Cap’n will be keel-hauled, and that’s all t’ facts ye need to know.

So with grog all around, and Cabin Boy Danny Slattery playing t’ hornpipe, t’ Pirate’s Council will meet and decide how ta finish t’ voyage. Will this be t’ meeting where Cap’n Tom will carry out his orders from Admiral Ruth “Hang ‘em from t’ Yardarm” Platner ta divvy up t’ land with her friends at t’ Charlestown Land Trust

Must be sump’n urgent or Cap’n Tom be waitin’ till t’ next regular Pirates’ Council meetin’. Maybe it be good news, or maybe it be bad, like Jimmy Barrows’ plan gettin' waylaid.

Whilst in his cups, Cap’n Tom let slip it be t’ plan all along ta take t’ taxpayers’ 2.1 million doubloons, buy t’ land and then give it away to his friends and patrons. Cap’n Tom does owe them after all, since he knows who paid fer his voyage.

And when they’re finished, maybe Cap’n Tom and his crew will tell us what they did. Or maybe they won’t.

Here’s the official agenda in English (Piratese translation available on request).

September 19, 2013 at 5:00 p.m.
Charlestown Town Hall, 4540 South County Trail, Charlestown

The Town Council will hold a special meeting at 5:00 p.m. on September 19, 2013 at the Town Hall, 4540 South County Trail, Charlestown.  The agenda is as follows:

1.      Call to Order and Roll Call

2.      The Town Council may vote to move into Executive Session pursuant to RIGL §42-46-4&5(a) (5) Potential Land Acquisition (AP 17 Lot 186, “Whalerock”)

3.      Potential vote(s) from Executive Session matters regarding AP 17 Lot 186, “Whalerock” matters

4.      Adjournment