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Monday, February 15, 2016

Looking for a way to throw away your vote? Look no further.

Candidate Vermin Supreme Finishes Fourth In N.H. Democratic Primary
Vermin Supreme Lesser-Known Presidential Candidates Forum

Forget, for now, the winners of the New Hampshire primary. 

Forget about Sanders, Clinton, and Trump. 

Forget especially about Cruz, who finished second in the GOP primary, and about Bush, Kasich, Rubio, and Carson – all of whom share a very tight third or fourth place. 

The surprises in New Hampshire were Martin O’Malley who dropped out of the race after the Iowa Caucuses and Vermin Supreme, who came in fourth.

Vermin Supreme is a boot-wearing, pony-loving political satirist who runs for president every four years. He placed fourth in New Hampshire’s Democratic primary election and received more votes than Republican candidate Jim Gilmore.

Mr. Supreme, or the Vermin (I’m not too clear on that) has a platform that includes a pony-based economy, mandatory toothbrushing and zombie apocalypse awareness. 

He got 256 votes Tuesday evening, finishing just behind former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley, with 619 votes. 

Gilmore, the former Virginia governor and last-place finisher on the Republican side, received just 131 votes.

Why should rich guys like Rep. Blake "Flip"
Filippi have all the fun?
Vermin Supreme is a fixture in New Hampshire politics and has run for president seven times. In a recent interview with FOX25 News, he described the four planks of his platform:
  1. Mandatory tooth-brushing laws (“Gingivitis has been eroding the gumline of this great nation of ours for long enough and must be stopped.”);
  2. Time travel research (“I’m the only candidate who is willing to fully fund time travel, go back in time and kill baby Hitler with my bare hands before he’s even born.”);
  3. Zombie preparedness (“I am the only candidate who has a plan to protect America from the imminent zombie invasion and I will be harnessing the awesome power of zombies to create electric energy utilizing the latest in giant hamster wheel technology.”); and
  4. Free ponies for all Americans (“A federal pony identification system and you must have your pony with you at all times.”).
In the interview, Vermin Supreme said that Republicans Rand Paul, Bobby Jindal, and Rick Santorum dropped out because they “knew they could not get more votes than Vermin Supreme in New Hampshire.” Saying:
They figured they’d better cut their losses and cut their losses good. That’s the measuring stick here in New Hampshire. Are you going to be able to get more votes than Vermin Supreme? That’s why you’ve got to ask yourself, do you feel lucky, punk?
The prank candidate has been running for president in the New Hampshire primary since 1992.

Richard Zombeck is a freelance writer & featured blogger at Huffington Post. He's much older and angrier than he looks.